I used to consider myself somewhat intellectual. Not a genius, by any means, but I was at least capable of carrying on a conversation without using words like “tinkle” and “owie”. Then, I decided to procreate.
Unless you have been living in a deep, dark, dank hole, I shouldn’t have to tell you there is such a thing as “pregnancy brain”. Chances are, if you know someone who is or has been pregnant, you’ve had a run in with this unfortunate condition. If you are somehow unfamiliar with what pregnancy brain is, please refer to Urban Dictionary by clicking here.
I thought once my tiny humans vacated my warm and toasty womb, this symptom of pregnancy would also leave me. I was sorely mistaken. Since producing my offspring, I can literally feel my brain turning to mush. So much so, that I have decided that I need to attend Brain Camp. You might find yourself asking, “What is Brain Camp?” Well, if you have ever seen the movie ‘The Other Woman’, Leslie Mann paints the perfect picture of Brain Camp: “Where they make you do exercises for your brain. You know, when people have lazy eyes go and get their eyes worked out, so they don’t have to wear glasses anymore. They should have that for your brain. Like a brain camp. Oh, really, you can go, and lay on the beach and get a tan and drink ginkgo balboa all day and then you come back and you’re super smart.”
Gosh, I love that woman – sheer brilliance! Now that you are up to speed on what Brain Camp is, here are eight reasons why I have decided that I need to go.
1. I actually told my husband the other night, “Will you pause ‘Mad Men’? I need to go pee pee in the potty.”
2. The pizza delivery boy had to help me calculate my tip to the total (I was seriously struggling; and now am embarrassed that I admitted that out loud).
3. I no longer use words for objects; I point. Sometimes I even grunt.
4. I stop talking right in the middle of my sentences. The words just evaporate and I am all of sudden the Scarecrow from ‘The Wizard of Oz’.
5. My form of news, is whatever Doc McStuffins cured on TV that day.
6. I find myself in the oddest places. Having no recollection as to what I needed. The pantry is always a good place to end up, at least there is food there.
7. I forgot my child’s name when a cashier at Hobby Lobby asked, “Who is this cutie?” All I could come up with was, “My son.” (My son. That’s as good as you can do?? I could have said any name in the book, she wouldn’t have known the truth! Rookie mistake.)
8. I just realized that I’ve been putting ‘March’ on all of my frozen bags of breast milk. It’s August.
So fellow mommies, if you find yourself suffering from similar symptoms as listed above, then my friend, it’s time to pack your bags and join me at brain camp. I’ll save you a bunk.
cover photo source: here