My darling Mickey, over our time together, I would like to think that we have developed a mutual friendship. I allow you the privilege of spending time with my children every morning, giving you permission to mold their brains in to magical awesomeness; in exchange, you grant me 30 minutes to consume my coffee while it’s still hot and a chance to prepare breakfast without a meltdown. I have honestly become quite fond of this daily ritual we have created.
My oldest, as you may know by now, asks for you by name, every morning without fail. He requests your presences in our home before he even considers getting his sippy cup of milk. My youngest, well, he doesn’t take his eyes off of you during tummy time; heck, even I do the hot dog dance occasionally!
I appreciate the way you take the time to include colors, numbers, and shapes during your brief visits; and I especially enjoy the ease at which you are able to drop a rhyme. You have taught my offspring the kindness of lending a hand to others, the value of teamwork, and most importantly, how to solve problems by using their MacGyver skills with household objects. Unfortunately, I regret to inform you, if you don’t shape up, we won’t be able to proceed with this little love affair much longer. If this relationship is something that you would like to continue, then I must highly encourage you to consider my following list of needs.
- Moving forward, you must start enunciating the letters in your opening number. My toddler now thinks you spell ‘mouse’, M-O-U-S-C. Let’s avoid the inevitable debate that I am going to have a few years from now when I go to correct him, and he tells me that I’m wrong because Mickey Mouse is smarter than I am.
- I will need you to refrain from using the word, “nah”. When I ask my child, “Would you like some more veggies?”, I would prefer if he didn’t respond with a, “naaaah!”
- Please decide whether or not Donald is going to wear pants. Even I’m a little confused when I catch him in swim trunks after walking around half-naked all day.
- Can we clear up what’s going on with you and Minnie? One minute you’re bringing her flowers, the next you’re calling her, “pal”. I don’t want my daughter believing mixed signals is acceptable behavior from her gentleman suitor.
- While I love your heart for teamwork and playing fair, let’s get one thing straight, everyone is not a winner. There is a winner and a loser. The last thing I need my kids thinking is, they get a ribbon for mediocrity.
Aside from the above, you must know how much I truly cherish our morning routine. You have given me back some “me” time at the start of my chaotic day; short-lived as it may be. I hope that you will take my needs to heart, because I would sincerely hate to see this bond broken. Who am I kidding…even if you don’t make these changes, I never want to sever our ties. In fact, I am already making plans to do a little online shopping tomorrow while I sip my coffee in peace. Mickey, my dear, I simply adore you – let us never part.
See ya real soon!
cover photo source: money.usnews.com