Today, I woke up feeling defeated. Before I had even rolled out of bed, I was flooded with a sense of failure. For starters, I had chosen to snooze through my daily alarm that serves as a reminder to get my lazy bones out of bed and spend some time with Jesus. I mean, for crying out loud, it was only day two of implementing my long-lost practice of quiet time.
Usually, when I wake up, the first thing I do is check my phone. It has turned in to such a terribly addictive habit. So what do you think I check first? Facebook. Oh Facebook…you creator of high highs and low lows, all in the form of a post, share, or like button. Only you know how to make someone laugh AND crush their dreams simultaneously; all in one swift swipe…literally.
Front and center, the first thing the app opens to…another blog publication. Someone else in one of my networking groups had been published on such and such website. Yippee. I mean, Cheesy Pete’s…I just can’t keep up. I should be thrilled for them! Most of the time I am, but there is still always an underlying feeling of failure. This of course, leads me down a dangerous rabbit hole that ultimately leaves me feeling like a big pile of suckiness.
Yup, suckiness. I’m not even sure that’s a word – but today, it is.
To put my suckiness to shame, my immediate response is to get busy working. Which means, everything else is put on the back burner. Bills, you can wait. Children, you can play by yourself. Jesus, I definitely don’t have time to open a book.
Thankfully, my thoughts are interrupted by my seven month old crying. He is awake and letting me know that he is clearly about to starve to death if I don’t collect him immediately. Baby in tow, I proceed to the kitchen to begin my “quiet time” (I put it in quotes, because how quiet is it really now that my children are starting to stir. Still, I was determined).
I break out my Jesus Calling devotional and that’s when God decides to drop two truth bombs on me.
To be honest, I love when this happens. I don’t necessarily like getting a verbal gut punch, but the aftermath is totally worth it.
Truth Bomb #1
“For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?”
Mark 8:38 ESV
Well, that just nipped my need to jump right in to business. After all, it is God who gave me the gift of writing. He is the one who provided me with a platform and takes my words to where they need to go. Does He not deserve a few moments of my morning where my attention is completely focused on His presence?
Truth Bomb #2
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”
Psalm 139:13-16 ESV
I absolutely love Psalm 139. One of my friends once told me that Psalm 139 is God’s love letter to us. I don’t think I could describe it any better. Take a moment and let that sink in…God’s love letter…to you. Wow.
After I read the verses, I took some time to try and meditate over each sentence, line by line, letting God download on to my heart whatever He wanted me to hear.
It went a little like the following.
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.”
You feel like no one is noticing you? Well guess what, I notice you. I made you.
“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”
You feeling like you aren’t “measuring up” is NOT a feeling from Me. If you are going to believe in My Word, then you have to believe it all. If you are going to believe it all, then you have to start walking in the TRUTH, that you, Amber Hill, are fearfully and wonderfully made!
“My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.”
I know what your weaknesses are. I know everything about you. The way you are feeling is not a shock to Me, especially when your focus has been on everything BUT Me.
“Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”
I already know how this day is going to go. I already have your path laid out before you; and your path IS NOT the same as everyone else.
If those don’t sound like some serious truth bombs, then I don’t know what does. It never fails to surprise me what I get out of my quiet time when I actually make the effort. The type of truths that are spoken when I take the time listen.
Every day is a challenge to wake up and remember the truths, instead of allowing the lies to seep in. Every day I have to choose to believe what God has spoken over my life. Every day I have to make a decision.
Today, I am choosing to believe in His Word. Today, I refuse to accept that I am not enough. Today, I am believing that I, Amber Hill, am fearfully and wonderfully made; and guess what? You are too!
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